The Ocean of War

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The Ocean of War

                There are three objects in the room.  The first is the photograph of the distant ancestor, the second is the dated chair, and the third is the missing chess piece.  Each has a wealth of experience and knowledge, but seems to be incapable of communication, at least to any member of the kingdom animalia.  However, more error would be impossible with regards to this thinking.  The lone ant, in its depressed, monotonous existence, began its journey from the small hole in the northeastern corner of the room to the crack under the door on the other side. 

                “Fall, worthless vermin!” called the photograph.

                “Feel the wrath of the cheese!” screeched the chair.

                “Checkmate, my friend,” said the chess piece.

                The ant was lifted from its lowness and flipped at a rapid pace, fifty to sixty times in the air before falling and perishing upon the cold, heartless wooden floor. 

                The photograph’s wisdom was the greatest.  Its sole purpose was not to hang on the wall, as a vague memento of the distant past, most definitely not.  Rather, it was the key, the portal, into the next dimension.  The feeble minds of the humans could not perceive the fifth dimension; this power was beyond the realm of possibility for living things.  The chair’s strength was the greatest.  Its structural stability was unmatched by any standing being in the history of the universe.  Little did anyone, or anything, know, however, for even the photograph was unaware of the power held by the frail chair.  One breath from this chair had intensity sufficient to bring the world to its knees, its spirit spurting out its fingertips to be lost for eternity in the darkness.  The pawn’s courage was the greatest.  Its function far exceeded that of the lowly game of chess, invented by beings unworthy of licking the toes of the oak.  Centuries ago, it had taken down the very best of all, including the regime of the Khan, the earthquake of the oceans, and the plague.  It stared death in the eye, and laughed.  This was the sole creature able to destroy, in its full meaning.  The universe could be wasted with one blink of the eye of the piece.

                Which, then, took the innocent life of the ant?  Which held power greater than that of the Mayans?  Doubtful it seemed.  When all hope was lost, the chime of the clock signaled the end; all could finally rest.

On Top of the Mountain

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On Top of the Mountain 

                It’s always easier and more fun to keep working and pushing yourself to your limits to accomplish a goal when you have someone you’re gunning for.  The excitement of catching them and taking them down provides an extra fuel and boost in motivation and energy that wouldn’t otherwise be there.  For some reason, attaching an enemy or foe to a goal raises your morale.  On the other hand, it is much more difficult to be the person in first place, constantly holding off your opponents coming from below.  One would think that you would have extra confidence, glory and joy from being the best, but in reality, it is a disadvantage.

                Oftentimes, sports coaches will tell their teams, “Play to win; don’t play not to lose!”  What they mean is that people usually perform better when they are aggressively fighting for their goals, instead of trying to prevent others from doing so while you hang on to the top spot.  However, in many situations, this is not possible.  In many circumstances in life, being in first forces you to only be worried about staying in front of your competitors.  I can tell you from experience that it isn’t nearly as fun as having someone you are headhunting.

                When in this situation, instead of actively pursuing your goals, you are just grinding out the work, day by day, week by week, and month by month, seemingly accomplishing nothing more than you already have.  In addition, you are constantly worried about the people below you that want your spot so bad, and you do too, but there is just something so much more energizing about not having it at the present.  Being at the top wears you down.  It’s very lonely at the top.  However, in order to remain successful, you must work past all these disadvantages and psychological depressants and perform at the same level, whether you are currently at the top or not.

                For someone who has been fighting for so long and hard, gunning for the same person to defeat them and take their spot, the initial glory of taking them down is absolutely exhilarating.  The feeling of being the best is momentarily the ultimate jubilation, and seems like it will never subside.  However, after a few minutes, hours or days, this feeling goes away, and we don’t feel any happier than we did before.  Why, then, do we have any incentive to keep working to keep this spot?  The only reason I can think of is the natural competitiveness belonging to people that achieve this greatness.  All extremely successful people will eventually have to deal with this feeling, and overcome it.

My Biggest Fear

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My Biggest Fear

                At this point in my life, I have one single glaring biggest fear, which dwarfs all others.  I’m in the last term of my junior year in high school, and I am going to be in college before I know it.  I’m not scared of actually going to college, however.  I’m greatly conflicted by the major decision I need to make about what I’m going to study in college, which will determine what I do for the rest of my life.  I also have very little idea which college I want to go to.  I think about these two things every single day, and nothing scares me more than thinking that I may choose the wrong thing and the wrong place.

                In the past, and up to as recently as about two years ago, every college had full-ride, 100% scholarships available, to at least a few students.  My whole life, I have planned on going to college for free, but as of the last couple of years, due to the bad economy and large budget cuts in education, a great deal of these scholarships have gone away.  At all the top colleges that I want to go to, they have now adopted a policy of “need-based only” scholarships.  They are in no way based on merit, but only on what they decide you can pay.  Despite manipulating our family’s money around as well as possible to make us look as poor as possible to these schools, we still are somehow “able” to pay $25,000-30,000 per year.  Therefore, these supposedly top schools are becoming less and less of an option for me.  However, I know some people at my school that have terrible parents who don’t pay any child support, and they get to go anywhere they want  for almost free.

                So, in the end, I don’t know what I want to do, I don’t know where I want to go, I don’t know how much I should be willing to pay, and time is quickly running out.  The amount of stress this puts on me is indescribable.  Again, my biggest fear is choosing the wrong thing to study, and choosing the wrong college to go to.  I fear this more than I fear death; I don’t remember anything ever scaring me more.  The only comparable things were when my mom had cancer when I was three years old, and when my grandparents were on the brink of death before they both died in the last year.  They would be some of the first people I would turn to in my current situation.  However, though they are not here, I am confident they are watching over me, and will guide me no matter what decision I make.